Change - Letting Go. Let it go.

Change is hard. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. But it's so worth it when we can accomplish it! Sometimes our goals are so well intended but at the same time, unattainable or unrealistic or too daunting. Rather than try to change, we sidestep and move on to another task at hand. Lord knows we have plenty of those.

There are plenty of ways to make change. I have found that letting go is harder for me than starting something new. They don't have to be exclusive from one another and it can be good to have one of them as a secondary goal. In order to let go, I have to have another goal in mind. There has to be an important reason to let go; I need to have another goal on my horizon, an accomplishment I'm aiming for.

Anyone who knows me knows I love my sweets. A cookie here, a nibble of chocolate there, a piece of cheesecake as a reward, a spoonful of gelato to satisfy my craving...it's a thing. Daily. Every single day I want a sweet. Sometimes it's a reward, other times I'm bored or angry or frustrated or tired and want something sweet to fill that void. But, the want is always there.

Besides the obvious ill affects like extra pounds and withdrawals when I don't have any, there is a bigger reason I want to change my addiction to sweets. It owned me. Owns me, to be perfectly correct.

Up until now, I could only go a couple of days without something sweet but then, I would start to rationalize why I need to make a trip to Barnes & Noble (to see if a magazine is in) knowing full well I wanted to hit the cafe for a double chocolate cupcake. I'd last a few days tops, and then cave. I had to have something sweet.

Being obsessed like this and having no real control does not feel good. I have to change. I have to let go of all the want, need, obsession and addiction to sweets. I have gone 15 days, minus one moment and lapse of judgment where I drove to the drugstore and bought a bar of very dark chocolate and ate 2 squares. Regardless of that day, I have made it longer than I can ever remember without sweets.

Quitting sweets has been hard. Harder than quitting smoking, as hard as some of my previous breakups with boyfriends... I did not anticipate how much I would think about sweets and after confessing to my husband that I knew the dessert menu of far too many cafes and restaurants in our city, I realized just how badly I need to change.

I'd say I'm working on letting go of sugar completely, but I'm not there yet. I have not committed to reading every label of every thing I put in my mouth. I'm not sure I'm going to ever get there. But it's not as much about the sugar as it is about not having control and wanting to change.

Next on my list? Letting go of my fear to promote myself more. It's a big, big, big one. What would happen if I really shouted at the top of my lungs that I am a badass and that I do great work? Oooooh. The photo of me dressed as a fox and roaring is how I want to be every day, not just on Halloween. Working on it...

We can be our own worst critics and often our self talk when we fail is cruel and self defeating. So, friends, be kinder to yourself if you try to make change and fail. Try again. And, again.

Letting go can be so freeing and satisfying. Try it.